Using Self-Talk for Building Confident Leaders
“I worked really hard today, can’t wait to get back in the gym”
“I really messed that up, maybe this isn’t for me”
Take a second and imagine you’re walking off the field after a tough game. Now picture yourself saying the first phrase to yourself, then imagine saying the second phrase in the same situation.
How do you feel when you think the first vs. the second? What emotions and feelings paint the image in your mind?
For most, the first phrase would create a feeling of walking confidently off the field, feeling motivated to continue training. The second phrase would conjure up feelings of frustration, sadness, maybe even some anger.
The way we talk to ourselves becomes the script we live our lives by. That script can either be a positive, confident, uplifting one, or a negative, frustrating, hopeless one. The good news is that you get to decide.
Is self-talk really that powerful? The short answer is yes.
Our inner dialogue colors the world around us, and directs where we put our attention, and the meaning we give to situations. At the same time, it’s been found that positive self-talk can enhance self-confidence and decrease anxiety, while negative self-talk has the opposite effects (Hatzigeorgiadis et al, 2009).
In my opinion, self-talk directly affects three aspects of our experience. It directs what we focus on, how we feel, and ultimately how we perceive what’s happening inside and outside of ourselves.
Saying things to ourselves like ‘you’re screwing this up’ or ‘you suck’ during performances keeps us focused on all the things we’re doing wrong, instead of focusing on our strengths and getting back in the game.
As far as feelings, we can just refer back to the beginning of this post. How do you feel saying a positive, supportive statement versus a negative, self-defeating statement? It may sound obvious, but many times athletes engage in that kind of thinking without even knowing it.
We can also perceive situations differently with regards to our self-talk. If you’re going into a tough game saying ‘they’re going to crush us’, chances are you are going to feel defeated before the game even starts. Replacing it with a phrase like ‘this will be a fun challenge’ can fuel you with motivation and a more useful perspective on the situation. Another use for self-talk is perceiving feelings. If you feel your heart racing and blood pumping while you’re at the free throw line, you could choose to think ‘I’m freaking out’. At the same time, feeling the same exact emotions, you could think to yourself ‘I’m energized and ready to play’. Using self-talk to perceive and manage emotions is a very powerful technique.
So we know self-talk is important, but how can we take control of this process? I’ll give you four steps to taking control of your self-talk, so you can turn the tide on negative thinking and build your positive mental fortress:
Be aware. We can’t change what we don’t know, and most people are actually not aware of the self-talk that they engage in regularly. The phrases and sayings they use have become so automatic that they believe it’s just part of who they are. The first step to taking control is to become aware of what we say. One way is through a self-talk log which I will provide alongside this post. This will enable us to become aware of what negative phrases we might be using regularly, how they make us feel, and what situations are likely to cause those negative spirals.
Stop the thought. Once we’ve become aware that we’re using negative self-talk, the next step is to stop that repetitive thinking. This can be done by literally saying things to ourselves like ‘stop’ or ‘no’ to cut off the phrase before it takes root in our minds. We can also take a big breath to reset and give ourselves a second to realize what we’re doing. Even just catching ourselves thinking negatively is usually enough to snap us out of our habits, since we know that it’s not very helpful.
Reframe. After we’ve caught the thought and stopped it in its tracks, the next step is to reframe the situation. Let’s say you just missed a pass and told yourself ‘you really screwed that up’. You can now take the opportunity to use a different phrase that will help you move on more effectively such as ‘next time’ or ‘let’s get focused’. Remember the tone of our self-talk is important too. If we’re yelling at ourselves inside our heads, that will hurt us over the long term. However, if we have a firm, yet supportive voice keeping us on track, we are more likely to stay more confident and continue moving forward.
Implement. Once we’ve intercepted our negative thinking and replaced it with positive phrasing, the next step is to just keep it up. Positive self-talk is not a one-time event, it is a process and a habit. We must remember to continue working on building this habit over time so we can change the way we speak to ourselves once and for all. Our minds have a bias towards thinking negatively, so we must always stay aware of our thinking and work to keep our thoughts on our side. That negative thinking didn’t get there over time, and isn’t serving you or your team, it’s time to change our approach. Effective leaders don’t talk to their teams in condescending or negative ways, and would never use that kind of speech on themselves either. They understand that their thoughts affect their feelings and actions, so they always stay aware of their thought processes.
As I said, self-talk is a process and one that we must continue working on over time. Start to become aware of when you’re using negative phrases and stop them in their tracks. From there, begin to use positive phrases that work for you and you will see over time how you feel more confident and in control of your focus and ultimately your performances.
Written by Theo Pantely, Sport’s Psychology Major, contact: theopantely1@gmail.com
If you’d like to chat with Theo regarding the “strengthening” of your mind, contact Gerry at completeathletenh@gmail.com for a FREE talk!